Hello wonderful people,
I am the girl in this relationship, apparently. It is 3.30 pm in my place, he is in deep slumber at this time of day because it is around 1.30 am at his place. We are fourteen hours apart from each other, not seem like much but still I have to adapt myself to this.
Anyway, my very first post on this blog will not be a new story I just wrote but an old piece of my short-stories work. I made it because we had this short story competition at my school and my teacher was forcing me to submit my story. I was contemplating it but then decided to wrote it anyway, I got nothing to lose I thought. I wrote in 10 hours if I remember correctly, because I keep postponing it until I realized that the next morning was the due date to enter the story.
Please keep in mind that this the 15 yo me who was writing this one. I am 23 yo currently, not that a lot has changed but I was a different soul back then. I was obsessed with death, gore stuff (i know it is so uncool), unwanted relationship, but mostly I hate romantic stuff especially happy ending stories. So that is what this story is about: unhappy ending.
Without further blabbering about why I chose this theme, I present to you my not-so-prestigious-award-winning story.
When I Left Mr. Reverie for Mrs. Forgiveness
Have you ever felt like nobody listens to you? Have you ever felt like you are the first forgotten by your mother? Have you ever felt like you can’t even tell your deepest secrets to a person who made you born to this world, I mean your own mother? Well, I think I have to ask those questions to myself first, because my answer would be a definite yes.
I am Sara, a 15 year-old, a movie freak, a bathroom-singer, an idiot, not-so-honest-kind-of-person, like to spend money at unimportant stuff, an ice cream addict, a family girl and most importantly: I am always being the first forgotten in my mom’s mind. Well, now I’m doing my second grade at the Senior High. I don’t actually enjoy my high school time. But most people I met said that high school is the most amazing time in their lives, when you will feel magic and how it feels like to be an adult. Where you have to make the best decision in your life, because high school will decide whether you are going to be a successful person or not. Times you will remember for the rest of your life. But for me, high school is a place where you have to struggle everyday and be a better person every single time you step in to your class.
It doesn’t mean that I am not popular kid at school, well I am one of the popular kids at school. But I don’t feel comfortable when people staring me at when I’m walking down the hall or when I’m taking my lunch in the cafetaria. It feels weird to me. I don’t really like those famous kids at school, because mostly they do harsh things to other. I think I am the Switzerland at school. Most of the kids like to be in a group and they have their own place where kids outside their group can’t join in. It sucks you know, and it amazes me that the teachers do nothing about it. What a school!
I am famous because I am the nephew of the owner of this school. My uncle has no kids and he always think that I am his daughter. He loves me enormously, more than my mother does. Anyway, talking about my mother I will tell you a bit about my family. I am the second child in my family which consists of six people including my parents. So I have one older brother, one younger brother and one younger sister. My parents got divorced when I was ten and that was the moment that changed my whole life and the way I think about love. My brother, Oliver, and I live together with our mother after the divorce. My younger brother, Jack, and my younger sister, Alira, live together with our father. We often meet, because we have scheduled appointments, twice a month, every Friday in the second and the fourth week of the month. It is only twice a month because my dad live in a different city so they have to make a long trip to get to where we live. It is nice to know that my father sacrifices his time, energy and money to meet us. I love my father a lot more than my mother because my father understands me more than my mother does. But I’m not really close with Jack and Alira because they are kids, I don’t really like kids even though I have to admit that they are superdupermega cute.
My brother, Oliver is kinda close with me since he decided to broke up with his girlfriend because she cheated on him after two and a half years of relationship. Another fact that changed the way I think about love. We frequently watch new movies together on Sunday, we also have the same favorite taste of ice cream which is chocolate mint, we like to spend our time talking about our dreams and he likes to talk about his problems, I think he is an open-minded person, but I never told him my stories and he never forced me to do that, so I think he is fine with it. He helps with my school-related problems until late in the night. It is awesome to have a brother like him. Right now he’s on his last semester at university, he is going to be an architect. That’s why he is really busy with his final project and I decided it is my turn to help him. So I don’t mind going to the library or bookstore to find books he needed for references.
What I don’t really understand is my mother. We are not close with each other, I don’t even remember her birthday and vice versa. She even has no idea how old I am right now. She is really busy with work. She oftens leave us alone at home for her work overseas. All I know about her job is that she holds the Executive Director for a huge oil company in our country. She is really loyal with us anyway, she wouldn’t mind giving us huge amount of money and she brings merchandises from countries she had just visited. But that’s not what my brother and I need, we need attention, we need to be listened and we don’t get that from our mother. Everytime we have report cards to be taken by our parents at school, my father always make it. My teacher never even met my mother and thought that I don’t have a mother anymore, so I explained it to her that she does exist, just never really care about me.
Today is my first day of school after summer holiday and as usual, I wake up every morning at four am and so does my brother. While we were eating our breakfast we like to watch news on TV to know what’s going on in the world now. And as always, my mother is not here. She is in Japan now, I don’t know when she will come back and like usual I never really cared about it. After we finished eating then suddenly the telephone rang, I picked it up then I heard a voice, tada surprise it’s my mother. I was surprised because she made a sacrifice to ‘waste’ her time calling us. Then it goes to be a weird conversation
“Hello”, she said
“Ya, what happened mom?”, I replied
“Nothing, just remember that I have two kids i left at home”, “Oh thanks God she remembers she has kids”, I whisper to myself
“What did you just say?”
“Just say thanks God for making you remember you have us here, at home waiting for you to come patiently”
“Well, I really am sorry for this. I miss you guys, I hope I will come home soon”
“Yeah, you come home soon then you leave us here for another job”
“How can you say those words to me?”
“Because I have mouth”
“What a rude words! I hope you will sorry for that”
“Well, I’m not going to sorry”
“God, are your brother there? Let me speak to him. I hate talking to you”
“Oh awesome. What a beautiful words a mother ever say to her daughter. I hate talking to you too. It’s just wasting my time”
Then i just gave the phone to Oliver. I don’t know what they’re talking about, but I think they have a good conversation. Because Oliver answers the phone with laughing. Oliver and my mother really close. Because everytime my mother calls and I picked the phone and Oliver is not home. She always looking for Oliver. She always asks ‘Is he okay?’ or ‘Do you know where is he going?’ and after I answer that questions she just closed the phone. Without even notice that I also need to be asked. I just want for once in my life know that she cares about me, even just to ask simple questions like ‘how are you?’ or ‘do you feel good today?’. I think it’s just happen in my dreams, not for real. After Oliver finished talking to his mother, like usual we are going to school and he drives me there.
In our way school, he said sorry he will be late coming home because he has some stuff with his friends. I said okay and we’re not saying any words after that until I arrived at my school. I said thanks. He just smiled.
There’s nothing special happened at school until it was lunchtime. When i made my walk to the canteen, I saw a big pink words written in the hall. It says ‘I LOVE YOU. WOULD YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?’. I said what a crazy person did this, but I am also curious with it. I didn’t have to be curious for a long time because in a sudden moment my friend, Curtis, came in front of me holding a big bouqette of red roses. I was really surprised. Then he was down to his knees pulled my hand, kissed it and asked me would you be my girlfriend. That was the most embarassing moment in my life, because there was alot of people at the hall and everybody was looking at me waiting what kind of words will come out for my mouth. I don’t know what I have to say, I was confused. First, I like him for God’s sake he is really superdupermega cute, beside my twin brother and sister, I like him since the first grade and I never expected he would act the same. Second, I have two bad examples of love relationships that made me afraid to have one. Third, I am not that mean to say no in front of many people like that. It will embarrass him. Maybe he will be angry at me and I don’t want to make enemy with other people. So instead of asnwering his question in the hall I pulled his hands and took him to a place in the back of our school, which is a bit quite and then I start the conversation.
“What are you thinking?”
“I am thinking to be your boyfriend so that we can date,” he replied with a big smile on his face.
“No, I mean what the hell are you thinking when you decided to ask me out in the hall where everybody are watching us!”
“I just hope that everybody will notice so there will be no boys asking you out because they know that you are mine.”
“So what do you want?”
“I want you to say yes and announce to everyone that right now we are oficially a couple”
“Do I have to answer it today, right now I mean?”
“Well, it’s all up to you”
I was pretending to think for a while even though I already knew what I was going to say. It’s just to make it formal and to make me looks like I really think about it. ‘
“Ehm, I already decided”
“So what’s your decision?”
“But can I ask you first?”
“Just ask me”
“What if i say yes and what if say no?”
“If you say yes then I will be a good boyfriend and I will protect and help you and stand by your side no matter what happen”
“But if you say no I will be okay. Well, to be true maybe I will cry for a while but then yea, it’s okay I mean it is your decision. But I will always remember you. I think we are going to be a great friend still.”
“Well, I never meant to hurt you. But I really am sorry I can’t”
“Why you can’t?”
“You know that my parents got divorced and my brother broke up with her girlfriend after a long time of relationship because of things that I’m sorry I can’t explain to you. It gave me somekind like a different view about love”
“But you never know unless you try. And I can guarantee you that I am not the type of guy who will ditch you and cheat on you”
“Yea, I can see that you are such an honest and sweet guy. But I just can’t. It’s like I am way too young to start serious things like love”
“We can make it just fun and not being too serious with it. Just go with the flow”
“Why are you forcing me to say yes. You say it’s all up to me”
“Oh okay. I just really want to be your boyfriend so bad. I am sorry”
“I am sorry for rejecting you too. But I think it will be better if we stay to be friends with each other. It will be alot more fun”
“Okay, I agree with you. Mabe it will take years or more than that to love another girl”
“Jeez, if you know for the truth I like you too, since the first grade even. Just I can’t be your girlfriend”
“Well, really? Wow it’s surprising to me that you like me too and you just didn’t show it at all”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe you can find another girl better than me. Someone who just simply love you for the way you are”
“Well, thank you so much then. Anyway this is, I have a bouqette for you”
“It’s really beautiful. Thank you so much. I love red roses. I appreciate it, really”
“It’s nice that you love it. I chose red roses because I thought that mostly girls love red roses. But you promise that you will not ditch me and you still want to be my friend?”
“Of course yes, I will not ditch you and still want to be your friend. It is awesome to have you as a friend of mine, Curtis”
So he showed his little finger and I hold his little finger then. And he said he loves me and I just smiled. He left me alone then. What a day!
The school dismissed earlier as usual when it comes to the first day of school after a long holiday. So I went home alone by taxi. I arrived at home and I found that no one is at home. So I took a bath, ate again and I did my homework. I finished all my things at 5 o’clock p.m exactly. I called my brother and he said he will be home at 8. Well, three more hours to go. I was really sleepy that time but I decided no to go to bed, because I am afraid to sleep when you are the only one at home. So I went outside to a rental near my house and borrowed a couple of CDs. I arrived at home made my own popcorn and then here I am, sitting nicely in front of our big TV.
Not so long after I finished my first movie, I heard my gate was open by someone. I was really afraid that time, I turned off my TV and stepped quietly to the window to see if someone going to enter my house. It was really dark outside that night even it was only 7 p.m, so I can’t see clearly. I just saw a silhoutte of someone that I recognize by the size of its body. It looks like my mother but I thought it was impossible because right now she is in Japan, like I mentioned before. But I keep my positive thinking that it is possible my mom is coming home.
Bingo! I was right. She shouted really loud, you can guess, yelling my brother’s name instead of mine. I was thinking to just going to my room, let her open the door by herself and found that her lovely son isn’t home. But because I am a great daughter I changed my mind. I ran to the door, opened it for her and helped her with her suitcase. But do you know what I regretted after that, she got angry with me
“What are you doing with my suitcase?”
“Oh God mom I just want to help you”
“Help me or are you just gonna ask me whether I brought you merchandises or new stuffs?”
“Mom, can’t you just be a good mother for a while to me. I always trying to be a good daughter to you but you never noticed that. I’m the one who made your breakfast everytime you’re home, Oliver always tells you about that but you never believed me. You never, just for once, asked me whether I feel good or not. You always thinking about Oliver and Oliver and Oliver. You never know that it hurts me when you always remember Oliver’s birthday instead of mine. You never know that it hurts me more knowing that you came to Oliver’s graduation but you’re not there when i got my medal for Mathematics Olympiads. You’re not even, just for once, came to my room and checked it, when you always come to Oliver’s room every night when you’re home. You never know how hard I make my friends certain that you really do your jobs when you’re not home when my friends thinking that you’re out there dating many guys. You’re lovely son isn’t home this time. You never know how I really hope that by opening you the door and helping you tonight with your suitcase will just for a bit change your perception about me. I was all wrong in your eyes and that will forever be. I hate you for God’s sake. I never want to talk to you for the rest of my life anymore eventhough someday you’re dying. I hate you. I hate you. I don’t want to see your face anymore. You are the rudest mother I have ever know. It hurts me to the deep of my heart knowing that I am your daughter. My life would be so much better without you”, I cried really loud and ran to my room after that. I don’t care with her anymore.
I slept that night with tears in my eyes. I woke up the next morning with big black mark under my eyes. I don’t care with my look anymore. I took a bath, changed my clothes and walked downstairs. I saw Oliver and my mom laughing in the kitchen, I passed them and I keep walking to the door. I start to hate everyone that day. I hate Oliver too, because he never try to make his mother care about me just for a minute.
Instead of going to school I decided to go to my father’s house. I didn’t called him first to just let it be a surprise, I thought. It took me three hours to arrive to his house. But what makes me sad was when I arrived at his house, one of the neighbors next to his house told me that he had left the house an hour ago to the hospital. Well maybe it’s just not my luck. I want to call my father when suddenly my phone rang and my brother’s number displayed on the screen. I decided not to picked it up, I turned off my phone. Why can’t everything just right for one moment in my life. When everything happens the way I wanted it to be. I don’t know which way I have to go when finally I heard those calming voice. Adzan. Oh how calming! Then I was looking for the nearest mosque, I found it. I looked up the sky before I came in and i realized that the world is always beautiful no matter what kind of life you are going through. The world is always smiling and always trying to lighten up and cheer up your days. It is only us that saying the world is a rude place or whatever.
I came in and then did wudhu. It was so quiet inside. I prayed and I ask for forgiveness. I always lazy when I have to pray five times a day. I never got a sensation like this before. When you feel like something big, unreal touched your heart. You feel so quiet. Like every single thing around you move so slow, so you can pray more and more without worrying you will waste your time. Oh God how can I forget You. You are the only place I can share my stories. You are always there, guiding me and helping me through everything. You never forgot about me when I forget about You. I always think that I can finish my own problems by myself when there was a power bigger than this world controlling every single thing in this universe. God, I hope I can fix my problem with my mother. I know that one of the biggest sin is when you are yelling to your parent, especially your mother.
I wish I can feel this thing for every day of my life. I promised that I will fix my way of praying after this and for the rest of my life. I will never forget You anymore. After I prayed, I decided to go to my house. But again when I arrived there was no one at home. No message at the door, not in the refrigerator not even in my room. Then I just remembered that I turned off my phone. I turned it on quickly and then I saw 35 miscalls and 21 messages asking where am I today. I want to call my brother but I am afraid. Then I decided to go to the beach not so far away from the city. It’s already 5 p.m. It’s a bit quite there at that time. I looked up to the sky and then I start to sing B.o.b’s song
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
I closed my eyes. I wish everything will be just alright after this. I was imagining all of my past memories, when we were still a complete family. When everything seems so perfect in my eyes. Nothing can ruin what my family already built. Then those shocking news came two days just before my birthday when they asked us to come to the living room and say that they’d already thinking really hard about it, and divorcement is the best decision for them. I didn’t know what to say, I just cried. My mother said everything will be just the same. I never expected to hear such a word. I thought it only happened in the movie or somebody elses’ life. Not mine. But I was wrong.
Suddenly, my phone rang and I noticed that I was still on the beach. I woke up, picked up my phone and I heard my brother crying on the other side of the phone. I never heard he got angry like that before
“What the fuck are you thinking to absence at school today?”
“Oh jeez, you care about me? That’s good, bro”
“You got to be kidding me. It’s not time for jokes, Sar. It’s not funny at all. Mom is at the hospital right now. Where the fuck are you? I am going there. Tell me where are you?”
“I am here”, I murmured to myself
I closed the phone. I decided to go to my uncle’s house. Thanks God he was home. I told him everything happened today. Start from when Curtis asked me to be his girlfriend, blah-blah-ing until now I was running away from my family. I told him that I really want to make everything just right, back like what it supposed to be. He let me cried for hours until I can’t feel my eyes anymore. He said it would be better for me to come to the hospital, speak heart to heart with my mother. Explained about everything I felt for the last five years after the divorce. But I also have to say sorry and listen to what my mom’s saying. I said I can’t because I got angry with her
“I will drive you to the hospital”
“No, don’t. I won’t. I just want to be here”
“No you can’t. You have to come to the hospital. She is dying. She needs you. She is your mother. No matter what happened, no matter what you’ve said, she is and will always be your mother”
“But what if she won’t talk to me too”
“Trust me she wants. You have to check her condition. You don’t even know is she okay or not, what kind of things happened to her until she’s dying now and need to be taken to the hospital. What kind of kid you are! Just imagine when you are a mother and you’re dying and you really need your daughter to come and see you. Visit you. Care a bit about you. Sacrifices their time just to know about their mother’s condition. Your mother needs you to give her motivation to stay alive. You are a human, you have a heart to feel emotions”
“But she never cared about me. She’s not even there at every important moments in my life. So why I have to be there when she needs me? I am the kid, I am the one who supposed to get motivations from their mother”, I cried
“You will regret your words, for God’s sake” my uncle is angry with me too now, he left me alone in the living room.
I cried but I am also thinking about everything happened in my life for the past five years. I am such a selfish kid just to think about my own happines and my own joy. It must’ve been really hard to be my mother to be a single parent. Work really hard to feed us. Make sure that she can fulfill our needs. She must be really tired but she never showed it in front of my face. I also remember that I always capable of buying everything I want, when many of my friends can’t even buy new books for school. I am such a rude daughter. I hate myself. I hate everything I already said to my mother. I love her.
I called my uncle. I asked him whether he will drive me to the hospital or not.
“Is it too late for me to say sorry and make things right?”
“It was never too late to say sorry if you really mean it. Finally you can be such a mature girl”, my uncle smiling at me
I arranged all the words in the car on our way to the hospital. I thought about the good words to say sorry and to explain everything to my mother and my family, of course. After we arrived my uncle took me to my mother’s room. Then I see my father and my brother sleeping in the waiting room. My uncle amost waking them up but I said he doesn’t have to. I just want to finish my problem with my mother first. I can explain it again to them later. It’s already 3 a.m in the morning. I know I’m not supposed to disturb my mother. But I just can’t hold it anymore. I have to talk to her as soon as possible. So I stepped into her room. And I saw her sleeping nicely in her bed with many wires and things to help her keep breathing. I cried suddenly. I never imagined losing her. I don’t know what I can do to keep on living without her. I kissed her forehead. When she suddenly woke up. She was trying to say something but a thing in her mouth prevent her from speaking.
“I really am sorry mom. I never meant to hurt you. I don’t know that it will be like this. I wish I could take back all of my words I have said to you last night. But I know I can’t. It is impossible right now to lick your own spit. I love you mom, no matter what happened. You are and you will ever be the best mom I ever known in my entire life. I will aways remember you to be my hero and my savior. It is all my fault. I am such a selfish girl just to think about my own joy and my own happiness. I never cared about you. I really am sorry mom. I love you”
Her hand was shaking and she holds my hands really tight. She squeezes my hands. It seems that she won’t let go of my hands and so do I. If I can I will stop the time, keep it that way. When our hands warm each other. I can see that she is also crying. She is trying really hard to smile but her lips just seems weird to me with that pipe. So I spent the rest of that early morning talking about everything that happened to me the day before. I told her that Curtis, the boy I always admire, asked me to be his girlfriend but I say no. It feels much better to me this way. When I can say everything I want to say and my mother doesn’t have to interupt my words. She just listens and smile, she looks so beautiful but also really pale that night. She really pays attention to what I am saying. Oh God I wish everything will be like this after she got out from this hospital.
We talked a lot about everything until the doctor came and said that my mom needed some rest. I said I am sorry and I kissed her cheek and left her with the doctor. I promised to her that I will come back soon and I will bring her my special cake I make for her. She just smiles.
I went outside but I can not found my father. I went to musholla and prayed for my mom. After I finished I decided to go home, on my way along that hospital’s hall I still cannot found my family. Maybe they just went to look for some foods. I went home alone by taxi when I found there were no one home. I took a bath and I decided to call my friend and ask for help if she may give my permission to the teacher because I can not make it to go to school, my mother is sick. After I finished my thing, I cooked a special cake for her, a chocolate cake with many M&M’s. She loves M&M’s to death.
I put it on a special box with her name written on the box. I also bought her a boueqette of white roses. I called my brother but no one picked it up. I understand maybe he was still angry to me. So I called a taxi and on my way to the hospital suddenly my brother called me. I picked it up.
“I am in a taxi right now. I am on the way to the hospital. I just went home and I found nobody’s home”
“Oh well I just want to say I really am sorry for what i’ve said to you last night. I didn’t mean to say anything harsh like that. I just …”
“Well, it’s okay, really. I understand it. I also really am sorry for what I’ve done to everyone last night and for this long”
“Okay then, Dad and I are waiting for you here. Bye. Be careful”
He closed the phone. I looked to the sky from my window’s taxi, and I whispered softly “Thanks God for helping me to get through everything. I can not do every single one of these things without Your help.”
I arrived at the hospital and I fastened my pace to her room. I arrived and there I saw my father and Oliver sitting beside my mom’s bed. They’re both laughing. I knocked the door and everyone turn their head to see who’s coming. Then my brother come to my direction and he hugs me really tight. He gave me his bear hug. And I quickly release it because I remember I have my mom’s cake in my hand. I run to my mom and I kiss her and show her the cake. My father laughs and he kisses me. Everything seems so beautiful and pefect in my eyes. The doctor allows my mother to get out from the hospital for a moment to breath fresh air. I take her to the garden at the back of the hospital. She still has those pipes and wires on her mouth, all over her head and one on her back. She is not allowed to eat hard foods, she only drinks and eats liquids. The doctor said she had brain cancer and also lung cancer since five years before and now it reaches stadium four. She will no longer with us anymore. The doctor predicted she will only make it until next month. So I am trying to make every single moment we spend become a quality time. Moments that I will remember for the rest of my life. To apologize for everything I’ve done to her.
After we spent four hours there, the nurse asked me to take my mom back to her room. After I did that, I said that I have to go back home because I want to take a bath. My Dad and Oliver decided to stay at the hospital to accompany her.
I was only at the hall not far from my mom’s room when then I heard that Dr. Phil was needed in room 409, it is an emergency situation. I didn’t notice that. When suddenly I heard my brother screams. I just noticed that’s my mother’s room. But because suddenly many nurses and doctors run to my direction. I was confused. I can’t move, their body were all over my body. It was so noisy until I heard someone saying that it is too late. My mom got a sudden complication between her left lung and her heart. I was down on my knees. My eyes was looking down at the floor. It feels like the world was crushing on my feet. God, why you take her so fast. When everything starts to be perfect in my eyes, I have to feel this way again. It seems that I haven’t done anything worth it for her to remember on her last breath.
I can’t cry anymore. I just stared at my mom’s room where I saw my brother screaming at the door. My father was trying to hold him really hard. I never saw him doing things like that before.
Oh God if I only knew that it will be like this I would never do all those things I did to her.
If only I knew…
I know I will regret this for the rest of my life ..
What an ending right,
I apologize for taking too much of your time
I am going to stick to book reviews then 😉